You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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