I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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