I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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