This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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