I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
