I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
