dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
