We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
