Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
