So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
