the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
