PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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