i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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