well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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