Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize