Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
