Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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