Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
