covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
