I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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