I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
