Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
