Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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