My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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