never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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