please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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