If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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