I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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