This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
