i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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