is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
