addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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