A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
