'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
