I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
