She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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