I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
