Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
