I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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