Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
