four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
