You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
