two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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