i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
