I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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