Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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