I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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