Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
