Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
