Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
