really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there is glitter all over my balls
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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