as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
