I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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