I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I checked into jail on foursquare
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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