She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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