Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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