Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
