There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
