Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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