Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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